Can I Ask?

“Can I ask you to take off your baseball cap please?”

You can.

*pause*

“Well go on then, take it off.”

You asked if you could ask me to to take off my baseball cap and I said yes, so go ahead and ask. Then I’ll take it off.

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Exclusivity

I keep thinking about taking my truck to the Exclusive Detailing and Auto Care place that I drive by every day on my way to work.

But I don’t want to feel excluded.

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Pled vs. Pleaded

This is one I used to struggle with regularly in my day-to-day work, until I got used to it.

Someone pled guilty or pleaded guilty?

The rule for us in journalism is pleaded. The lawyers like pled.

I imagine this goes back to the good ole English court terminology somewhere in history.

In any case … I like pled.  It sounds more natural.

You don’t say you “saided” something.

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It is though, although it might not be, in spite of the facts, even though there are many.

The English language often confuses me, even though I’ve spoken it (or at least tried to) as my first language since I could first put a subject and a verb together.

There are often so many ways to portray the same meaning:

1. Although he had light skin he didn’t get sun burn easily.
2. He didn’t get sun burnt easily even though he had light skin.
3. In spite of his light skin he never got sun burnt.
4. He never got sunburned despite his light complexion.

If , after over 30 years of speaking English as my first language, I have problems, then how should I expect somebody to understand me when English is their second language?

Sometimes it’s difficult to articulate…

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Exception to the Rule?

Never use a long word when a short one will do. We all know that one, right?

But here’s one word, a short one, you should consider replacing with a long one: Ken

Here’s the definition taken from answers.com:

n.

1. Perception; understanding: complex issues well beyond our ken.

Complex issues beyond our Ken?  Yeah, and I bet Barbie doesn’t know much about them either.

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Depending On When And Where You Look At It

I think I’ve found a solution to the “further/farther” problem.

If you didn’t already know, this one is a common mix-up.

“Further” is meant to determine distance in time.

“Farther” determines distance in space.

However, if you make a mistake, all you have to do is point out that both time and space are interconnected and that you meant your usage to be a philosophical exercise.

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LOL? Really?

In internet communication I think we find ourselves making statements that aren’t really true, but that help us get the point across anyway.

I just have to wonder:

If you type “LOL,” are you really laughing out loud?

If you say, “Coffee sprayed all over the screen on that one,” or “Pepsi came through the nose when I read that” … did that really happen?

Because if it did, I get the feeling that we’d actually type that out.

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It Just Doesn’t Sound (Write?)

When we talk about writing letters, us Brits have a certain…overly long way about asking people to send us mail:

“Send a letter to me.”

“Write me a letter.”

Whereas some other nations are somewhat more economic with words:

“Write me.”

Call me old fashioned but I like the long-winded approach:

“Go forth and reproduce” is sometimes a better way of saying “Fuck off.”

But then, this is where I get incongruent…because it can be just as good to say “Go forth” and leave it at that…well, you could add the middle finger in just for good measure. After all, body language is just as important.

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IUVDBHLDR

Watching the first "Austin Powers" movie taught me a fantastic term for when we strain too much on the crapper.

So, Austin Powers is in a bathroom stall next to Tom Arnold (does he really play anybody other than himself? Is he still even alive?).

An assassin sent by a nefarious evil-doer known only as "No. 2" pops through a secret hole in the wall behind Mr. Powers, to strangle him. Mr. Powers turns the tables and is dunking the assassin's head in the toilet.

All the while, Mr. Powers is grunting, "Who. Does. Number 2. Work. For?!"

So, Tom Arnold tells him to take it easy, to be careful not to "blow out your O-ring" (a reference to the cause of the tragic Challenger shuttle explosion in 1986).

 —

Here in the U.S. we have a state called Tennessee, which is the home for the University of Tennessee Volunteers. Their dominant school color is this oddly pale shade of orange.You might call it "urange," maybe.

— 

How do these two separate pieces of information go together?

Well, it's those personalized license plates.

After a baseball game, we get into the car and parked just in front of me is a vehicle with a personalized plate.

"BGORNG."

"Big O-Ring?" I ask my wife. "Why the hell would somebody put that on their plate?"

Then, I see the tags are from Tennessee.

She can't stop laughing. "Big Orange."

Or, if the first "g" were omitted, "Boring." 

In any case, it just goes to show: Sometimes deciphering what these personalized plates means is all in the IUVDBHLDR.

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Le Cheese Royale – Economy in Words

The people of North America (possibly South America and Canada as well, I’m not sure) have it figured out. They use what I’d call imperial measurements: good old pounds and ounces.

Here in Britain, it’s a different matter. There’s some confusion as to what we use.

Here’s a packet of out of date bacon I found festering at the back of the fridge:

There are 385 grams of bacon in here. But I asked for a pound of bacon. The lady behind the counter isn’t supposed to weigh in pounds, but she does her best to weigh it as close to 500kg as she can, which is as near enough to a pound as she can get with the way the bacon is cut. Actually, I got 0.85 pounds of bacon. Still, I’m not fussy when it comes to food.

Shops here aren’t allowed by the law to sell in pounds and ounces any longer, thanks to the the EEC (European Economic Community)

But a lot still do, and they can get fined pretty heavily for it.

Soon we’ll lose our precious pint and have to buy half a litre of beer instead, which is a con. A pint being 0.585 litre, we’ll lose 85 millilitres yet the price will stay the same which is actually increasing it, if you know what I mean.

So, stick to your pounds and ounces if that’s what you use. It’s much easier and probably why we still weigh in imperial when we shouldn’t.

But just one thing: what does this have to do with economy of words?

“My cousin weighs two hundred and eighty pounds.”

“My cousin weighs twenty stones.”

See how better the second quote reads. And the unit of stone works with pounds (lbs) There are four syllables less in that second sentence.

Of course, you could just say, “My cousin weighs two-eighty.” But that confuses us Brits.

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