Archive for November, 2005

Dodgy Guts

After a heavy night out finished off with a curry, it’s more than likely that you’ll be pebbledashing the toilet the next day.

Pebbledashing: when you have diarrhoea, often caused by mixing alcohol and Indian food (never a good combination as far as the old ring is concerned), which splatters over the sides and rim of the toilet bowl.

Similar to a style of decoration to walls of houses. A thick coat of cement would be applied to the wall, then pebbles thrown at the wet cement, kind of like almonds in the chocolate outer layer of a cake.

If someone has pebbledashed,because of the associated smell they might warn you: I wouldn’t go in there for half an hour if I were you.


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Skin Up

So, the police will be informed that barring people in possession of drugs will not be tolerated.

Or am I misreading something somewhere?

And what about diabetics who are shooting up their insulin? Isn’t insulin a drug?

It’s a bit harsh if you ask me.

But then the dry stuff sometimes is.

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So, is this where all the fires hang out or just where we should make them?

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Eat Shit And Smile

If someone has a “shit-eating” grin, what exactly does that mean?

Is it that the grin looks as if someone is eating shit? Because if someone’s eating shit, it would seem like they would be wincing or puking. Anything but grinning, unless they roll like that for fun.

Or is it that the “shit-eating grin” is meant to signal to others that they are the ones who should be eating shit, which would explain a bit the notion that a “shit-eating grin” is a form of smugness.

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The Rudest Oxymoron?

Content Caution: Contains strong language.

This expression is often used to convey how we might really disapprove of somebody:
“You fucking wanker.”

Let’s take a closer look at that.

If ‘fucking’ is a verb form referring to copulating and ‘wanker’ is a noun describing a person so obnoxious they are destined to spend the rest of their lives masturbating as no one will copulate with them, then how can anybody be a ‘fucking wanker’ unless fucking one’s hand counts as making love to oneself???

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A prolific police informer or a particularly strong strain of marijuana?

There’s actually a connection between the two. When someone grasses on another – to the police – they usually do it for some herbal reward.

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