Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for May, 2006

Walking by the magistrates court the other day (I swear I wasn't going in there…not yet anyway), I heard this conversation between two legal sorts:

1st solicitor: I wouldn't mess with him though.

2nd solicitor: Why not?

1st solicitor: Well, I sincerely doubt that he would be able to reason using language alone.

And we all know what that last sentence means: He'd kick the fuck out of me (if I got smart).

Another gem comes from the Amateur Transplants who are "two junior doctors who practice medicine with varying degrees of success."

Or to put it another way, some of their patients snuff it…as is to be expected really; we've all got to peg it sooner or later.

Read Full Post »

It's been a long time since I thought about that crazy Bizarro character from the "Superman" comic books.

He was the (somewhat loveable) villain who was everything opposite Superman. He even lived in "Bizarro World" and had his own language.

If memory serves, it took a different color Kryptonite to weaken him. And his "S" was mirror backwards.

The language wasn't esoteric or anything, like Klingon or something.

It was very proletarian. Very user-friendly, in a twisted Bizarro-like way.

In the heat of battle, Bizarro would tell Superman, "Me am trying easy to hug you. You am not a wimp."

Superman understoood.

It's easy, really. Just find a way to say the opposite (though sometimes you get confused and end up using the double negative, which we all know adds up to a positive, which isn't Bizarro talk at all).

Ohh … me am thinking this is smart subject to not write about.

Read Full Post »

Taking The Vows

There's always one on a boys night out, the one who has to leave early.

"Sorry, but I'm on a promise, lads."

'On a promise' then, means a male has been told he will 'get his oats' if he goes home early.

Well, that's what it's supposed to mean. But we all know the truth is that if he doesn't get home when he should then he's likely to get twatted with the frying pan by her indoors when he does eventually stagger in.

It's the perfect excuse, though, for those married men who just can't handle their drink. After all, who would deprive somebody of their oats.

Read Full Post »

Me, Juvenile? Never!

Without language so much humour would be lost. Mainly juvenile humour.

Most of you will already have seen what's coming here, either because you're juvenile or once were. Perhaps you've just seen it and detest defacement.

I was itching to reach for the can of spray paint when I saw this estate agent's sign the other day. You'll see what my efforts would have yielded later.

Why we refer to the toilet as a crapper has been discussed here before and I've found another source which makes for interesting reading as to whether he (Thomas Crapper) invented the toilet. You can find it here:

http://www.plumbingworld.com/historythomas.html

It's always best to remain cautious about articles we find on the net, but it's clear some research has gone into that one.

So, I wonder how many readers would have done this at one time:

Read Full Post »