When people continually whinge about something, it’s often said that they’re “harping on.”

Is not the harp a beautiful instrument that makes calming noises?

Still, if it was good enough for Shakespeare…

The Word of a Drink

“I’ve missed not seeing you.”

I’m fairly sure the guy meant “I’ve missed seeing you.”

But if he didn’t, I’m going to add that riposte to my armoury.

The Shape of Food

“We should all eat three square meals a day.”

But how can we when plates and dishes are mostly round?

A Milk Shortage

After making a cup of tea for somebody, they asked me if the cow had died.

Apparently I hadn’t put enough milk in to suit their tastes.



I heard somebody say “twattoo” recently.

I’d never heard the word before but knew what it meant instantly.

I won’t Sky+ it

A long time ago in a galaxy not far, far away – okay, it was this one – Star Wars was on TV and somebody wanted to watch it but was going out. So they “taped it.”

To this day, I’m still “taping” things off of the TV myself, even though the recording medium of magnetic tape died shortly after the dinosaurs did.

Even when I got a DVD recorder, I couldn’t bring myself to “record” stuff from the TV. I still “taped” everything. But I did it on TV.

And now we are in the age of digital and satellite TV. We can still record things. We just don’t do it to tape or disc. We record to another medium I’m not clever enough to understand or to explain. But I’m still “taping.”

Whatever new recording mediums come to us, I’ll never record anything.

But I might just “tape” something.

What is old?

How much time must elapse before something becomes old?

Is it all relative to how long we’ve been on this Earth?

“Here’s an old photo of me,” said a kid of 14. The photo was about 18 months old.

Should he have said, “Here’s a recent photo of me?”


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