Archive for September, 2005

Care for a drink?

Hmmm…would you like a hand shandy? Oooh, suit you sir.

Bet you’ve had one today already, sir?

Euphemisms are great…even if you don’t know what they mean. That’s what makes them all the more fun.


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I couldn’t care less whether it rains today or not.

That means that if it rains or it doesn’t, I really have no room to care any less than I do either way.

Now, if I said I could care less — which we hear so often — then what’s really the point? If we can care less than we do, we’re not really making any statement worth the time to make it. We could just as easily say, “I could care more.”

So, if you couldn’t care less, that’s cool. If you could, then don’t bother.

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Lead Swingers Wanted

Somebody accused me of swinging the lead. I get it a lot…but then my email address does start with idleman…

“It means skiving, being idle, avoiding work. It comes from the days when depth soundings on ships were taken with a lead weight on a line. The lazy leadsman would sit idly swinging the lead rather than actually getting on with the job.”

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Blow being the opposite to suck, has an entirely different meaning. Or does it?

For years I’ve heard people saying this band sucks or that car sucks, so recently when I heard someone saying a band blew, I assumed they meant the band was really good.

Apparently, this isn’t the case at all because for something to blow means the same as for it suck.

So, either I’m ignorant and behind the times or people are just plain stupid. I’ll go with the former.

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“You know, it’s like she doesn’t care. Like, I mean, she really doesn’t care. It’s like when I get these feelings for her and, like, she doesn’t give them back.”

Can we, like, please stop saying ‘like’ so much?

And while I’m at it, if I’m being totally honest with you, I always thought honesty was an absolute, so we’re either honest or we’re not. If we’re not being totally honest with someone, then we’re telling them porkies.

Don’t ever trust anyone who says, ‘To be honest with you.’ Like, they’re totally lying to you.

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Up Or Down?

What’s the difference between “uptown” and “downtown?”

“I’m going uptown to do some banking.”

“I’m going downtown to have a drink.”

I think that might be it there. The difference between formal and informal.

Or not.

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Outta Juice

All the stuff to do with rising fuel costs after Hurricane Katrina got me thinking as to how I like it when I hear people talk about ‘gas.’

Here, we’re quite lazy as well.

We don’t call gasoline gas though, we call it petrol and even that’s a shortened word. I like the sound of the word petroleum, though.

Anyway, we’re all lazy: gasoline – gas; petroleum – petrol

That’s why we need cars, because we’re reluctant to take shanks’s pony and we’re getting fatter.

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