Exclusivity

I keep thinking about taking my truck to the Exclusive Detailing and Auto Care place that I drive by every day on my way to work.

But I don’t want to feel excluded.

Under Lock and Key

Why under?

And isn’t it a bad idea to leave the key with the lock?  That isn’t secure if you ask me.

What are your favourite poorly worded clichés?

Pleased to meet you. Let’s drown together.

When meeting new people at social functions we often need something to “break the ice”, be it a joke or funny anecdote about the host.

But surely, if we break the ice are we not in danger of drowning?

Pled vs. Pleaded

This is one I used to struggle with regularly in my day-to-day work, until I got used to it.

Someone pled guilty or pleaded guilty?

The rule for us in journalism is pleaded. The lawyers like pled.

I imagine this goes back to the good ole English court terminology somewhere in history.

In any case … I like pled.  It sounds more natural.

You don’t say you “saided” something.

Theological Thumpers?

It’s coming to that time of year when there’s a knock at the door and you know who it is before you even open it.

To insult these people (never to their faces) some might call them names.  And they don’t put much thought into their insults.

Bible Bashers.

Where this one came from I’ve no idea.  But I’ve never yet seen a religious person bashing their bible; it wouldn’t achieve anything.

God Botherers.

Well, they might be bothering some people.  But I doubt they are bothering God (if there is a God to bother) and even if they intended to, wouldn’t they be struck down by lightning?  And isn’t God the last entity they’d want to bother?

Row Row Row in Your Boat…

…while you’re rowing down the stream

Punch your wife in the head

And hope it’s all a dream

Yes, they were rowing that day.  Not in a boat.  They could have been but they weren’t rowing while they were rowing.  They had their argument in the car and, consequently, crashed into a streetlamp.  Then they had a row about that too.  It’s just as well they didn’t have a row while they were rowing, or they could have ended up drowning.

English is so confusing when reading….sometimes.

Moving the Food

“Food to go” – it’s creeping up everywhere.  And nobody knows where it’s going to.

“Food to take away” – I’d sooner take it away.  I can take it anywhere I choose.

But food to go?  It gives me images of the food getting up on its own legs and leaving by itself.

It is though, although it might not be, in spite of the facts, even though there are many.

The English language often confuses me, even though I’ve spoken it (or at least tried to) as my first language since I could first put a subject and a verb together.

There are often so many ways to portray the same meaning:

1. Although he had light skin he didn’t get sun burn easily.
2. He didn’t get sun burnt easily even though he had light skin.
3. In spite of his light skin he never got sun burnt.
4. He never got sunburned despite his light complexion.

If , after over 30 years of speaking English as my first language, I have problems, then how should I expect somebody to understand me when English is their second language?

Sometimes it’s difficult to articulate…

A Modern Liberty

“Give ‘em an inch and they’ll take a mile.” You might say that they will take the liberty.

It’s not uncommon for somebody to describe such liberty-taking as “taking the biscuit.” Why it’s a biscuit we take, and where it’s being taken to, I don’t know. But when we do take the biscuit, don’t we at least leave some crumbs behind?

Where might the expression “taking the biscuit” come from?

It’s RIGHT, right?

“I’ve just had a right good shit,” a friend who is known for giving unnecessary information said.

So, a good shit was not enough, it was a right good shit. Does that mean a good shit which is correct?  Can a good shit be incorrect for that matter.

“I’m right pleased with my new job.” – Can we be left pleased, or wrong pleased?

“He’s a right bastard, he is” – I’m sorry, but bastards are anything but right; they are most definitely always wrong.  And when we’re discussing bastards here, we’re not talking about illegitimate folks (who are merely unfortunate…unless they happen to be a badass as well), just unpleasant ones, as the new definition dictates.

Anyway, I’m right done with this usage of right.