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Archive for the ‘General’ Category

I was at work trying to describe to a fellow writer that someone was well-off.

They were, as I said, “Uh-FLU-uhnt.”

She laughed at me.

Once she composed herself, she said, “I’m sorry, don’t you mean “AFF-loo-uhnt?”

She told me that I was referring to “effluent,” as in sewage.

By my ear, that’s “EF-loo-uhnt.”

I can appreciate the miniscule difference – but even in that narrow gap, it sounds clear enough to me.

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Expletive Deleted

It doesn’t seem that long ago that newspapers used to replace profanity with the words “expletive deleted.”

Didn’t “expletive deletive” leave a lot more to the imagination than “f***ing?”

And what’s with those asterisks?  How f***ing pointless are they?  Most kids in the playground have heard that word now, thanks to DVDs and the internet.

It’s time we went back to the old (expletive deleted) way … ?

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Misspellin’

The sign in the Southeastern part of the United States of America department store.

It’s the way we say it.

I can’t imagine it’s intentional — but it would be pretty cool if it were.

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50/50 Really?

I asked a guy for an answer I needed.

“Are you going to be there?”

“I don’t know, I’m 50/50. But probably.”

Well, isn’t “probably” more than 50-50?

Or maybe at best 51-49?

The other side would be “probably not,” which is trouble because it sounds so less optimistic to the point that  you shouldn’t even offer a percentage.

He ended up coming, as I expected — no thanks to percentages.

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Contrary From The Start

I was staring at a blank screen to write a story and for whatever reason it struck me that you’d never see a lead paragraph that starts with “However, …”

And the comma is important, because you could start a first paragraph with, say, “However you do it …”

I guess you could start a story with a quote that starts with “However, ..” — but that’s cheating.

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CON-sumer CON-fidence

If we’re to believe what we’re told, the global recession is nearing an end and we are about to witness a growth of the e-CON-omy.

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Definitions

I’ve heard that Einstein coined the phrase that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I’m sorry, but it’s a little more complicated than that.

Insanity is … sitting in a corner lightly humming the Super Mario Bros.  theme song as you try to shoot fire from your hands and instead wipe your own feces all over the wall.

Yes, even that’s more complicated.

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