Forming your own band isn’t an easy thing to do these days.  You have to find people of similar musical tastes, who also share your bizarre fashion sense and the haircut your parents hate, and you need to have a name for your band.

How some of these band names are made fascinates me.  The following list contains names of real bands, bands with seemingly random names, names which appear to have been chosen by mashing words together. 

1. Arctic Monkeys
2. The Stone Roses
3. Inspiral Carpets
4. Cobra Starship
5. Blind Melon
6. Stone Temple Pilots
7. The Smashing Pumpkins
8. Toad The Wet Sprocket
9. Bowling for Soup
10. Lawnmower Deth

What would you call your band?

I don’t like the term “deputies.”

I like “police.”

I don’t like “investigators.”

I like “detectives.”

So the detectives determined that Justin was smoking his bong in the wilderness after police said they heard a group around a campfire playing Wu-Tang covers with a sitar.

The investigators and the deputies just stood around sounding stupid.

Which is generally what pigs do.

I don’t want my bacon cured, thanks.  That doesn’t mean I want it diseased either.

No, sir.  I want  healthy bacon, bacon which has never needed curing of anything.

Is that too much to ask?

Just doesn’t seem that common these days and therefore should be known as uncommon sense from this day forth.

I keep thinking about taking my truck to the Exclusive Detailing and Auto Care place that I drive by every day on my way to work.

But I don’t want to feel excluded.

Why under?

And isn’t it a bad idea to leave the key with the lock?  That isn’t secure if you ask me.

What are your favourite poorly worded clichés?

When meeting new people at social functions we often need something to “break the ice”, be it a joke or funny anecdote about the host.

But surely, if we break the ice are we not in danger of drowning?

This is one I used to struggle with regularly in my day-to-day work, until I got used to it.

Someone pled guilty or pleaded guilty?

The rule for us in journalism is pleaded. The lawyers like pled.

I imagine this goes back to the good ole English court terminology somewhere in history.

In any case … I like pled.  It sounds more natural.

You don’t say you “saided” something.

It’s coming to that time of year when there’s a knock at the door and you know who it is before you even open it.

To insult these people (never to their faces) some might call them names.  And they don’t put much thought into their insults.

Bible Bashers.

Where this one came from I’ve no idea.  But I’ve never yet seen a religious person bashing their bible; it wouldn’t achieve anything.

God Botherers.

Well, they might be bothering some people.  But I doubt they are bothering God (if there is a God to bother) and even if they intended to, wouldn’t they be struck down by lightning?  And isn’t God the last entity they’d want to bother?

…while you’re rowing down the stream

Punch your wife in the head

And hope it’s all a dream

Yes, they were rowing that day.  Not in a boat.  They could have been but they weren’t rowing while they were rowing.  They had their argument in the car and, consequently, crashed into a streetlamp.  Then they had a row about that too.  It’s just as well they didn’t have a row while they were rowing, or they could have ended up drowning.

English is so confusing when reading….sometimes.